Happy birthday The Edge !
Dear Edge / The Edge – since it’s apparently either or …
Today we celebrate your arrival on this Earth. That being a regular birth, a spaceship landing, or a time travelling experience gone wrong – We can only assume. But it’s nevertheless a celebration.
I haven’t sensed this past week the same overexcitement we’ve had earlier this year for B and A’s birthdays. Shame. It could have been the perfect BAE. So here I am writing a whole lot of shit no one’s gonna understand, but i’m sure you can relate.
So yeah. I know. It’s not the big 60 yet for you this year. But so what ? That’s even better ! Let’s celebrate your youth !
Rest assured though that the whole internet will probably break in your honor today, and I can only advise you to vibe back to your dematerialized state to enjoy the full force of this online celebration.
I know you like a good party, and we love you for that. We love you for a whole lot of things actually. And is there a better day to share them all? I think not. So let’s do it quickly – before everyone is a bit too tipsy.
Dear Edgey, (that’s the one I like best),
You’re the three dimensional being we don’t deserve. The Zen master that lights our way with every single guitar riff. And that will never change – no matter how many LED Adam tries to fit on that bass (Got to admit it was gorgeous though). And that smile of yours ? Ha. HA.
We love your creativity on stage. All those spur of the moment little twists. Because of course we know that you never miss a chord. You merely just reinvent new solos – Stop wincing Dallas.
I’m only joking of course. You’re pretty perfect all the time – even with your eyes closed – and quite frankly, you’re competing with the Bonoisms so you can probably mess up a lot more than you think.
You are also a constant source of inspiration pushing us to be the best version of ourselves. Mentally and physically. Seriously. God bless you for introducing us to Blackberry Yoga because since then i’ve realized I can work out and binge watch Netflix at the same time and i’ve never been fitter in my life.
You also teach us how to accept ourselves, push back preconceptions. You’re embracing the free yourself to be yourself motto so well – not as well as Adam’s body parts and his kimono but still. Just be who you are and don’t overthink about that. Hell, wearing a beanie in the middle of summer when it’s a gazillion degrees is totally acceptable as long as you rock it. And trust me, you do.
Your open mindedness also inspires. For real. You want a good proof of that ? You get all the guys fans. Seriously, ALL the guys fans I’ve met in GA lines have somewhat of a crush on you. Or maybe they’re just jealous of the neverending oh-so-appreciated bromance you’ve got with the frontman. I’m very grateful for the Bedge too, but even more for the fact that you keep those guys occupied so they don’t pay too much attention to the rest of us gals. And that leaves us much needed room to swoon over the rest of the band.
Ha. Don’t give me those sad puppy eyes, I’m only messing with you (again). Of course you get girls too. The not crazy ones. Lucky you. Well, except when Bono sends them your way.
Speaking of Bono, you also teach us that patience is key. And I could write a three part essay on that particular point but I won’t – at least not today. Thanks for taking such good care of our beloved frontman and bringing him back in his body when he gets lost on stage. You two are pretty adorable – you’ve got the comforting power of a full basket of puppies.
It truly shows what a great friend you are, but don’t let that particular guy take advantage of it. I mean – The hitting? The spitting? the BITING? i’m worried about you Edgey – even though you seem to enjoy it #NoJudging
Also, don’t let him steal your limelight so often. Especially not today. You’re the star. Just distract him with some vintage bottle or something.
Your generosity is boundless. I mean, donating all your picks like that to Dallas so he can just give them all away? That’s pretty neat. Oops. You didn’t know about that? Oh well. One less mystery then. You can stop blaming Adam. And I don’t want to be a snitch, but I’m pretty sure B was giving away some of your guitars too a few years back.
You’ve got the voice of an angel. Please don’t ever say again that you can’t sing because that’s completely untrue. We’ve even been debating this week on twitter which songs we’d rather have you sing instead of Bono. I’m not sure you won that fight but you did honorably well.
That’s okay though, because you definitely win the dance battle. You’ve got some legendary moves that we all envy for sure. Please keep dancing like the party animal you are before shows. It warms our heart (and it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to talk for the male fans here but. You know) and it also makes us so darn happy that at least someone is still excited about this whole thing. Stop looking at me Larry.
Special mention for your bouncing. Oh how you bounce around man. You are without a doubt my spirit animal. That’s probably your signature move as far as I’m concerned, well and all the guitaring obviously. And don’t worry, we’re not duped that Bono just tries to copy you on that one, but you’re the undisputable master for sure. I mean… he’s 60 and all already… And i’m also not sure we can really know if he’s bouncing around genuinely or just had a few too many drinks. At least with you, we’ve got a visual indicator of that. Your blushing cheeks. And that’s pretty adorable.
One of the reasons I love you the most though, is probably your wife. Okay…. That was awkward. But what can I say ? You’ve got the most amazing woman. She kept us from going bonkers during lockdown with your pizza adventures (because, YES. we do miss you when you’re not around. And we worry easily. Or maybe that was just me). So thank you Morleigh !
Talking about adventures, we never had the follow up story on those ikea furniture you bought a few years ago. Come on. How many mysterious spare parts have you had left? Sorry. Just dwelling back on the good memories when you still had your instagram password. Ha.
Oh Edge. you’re one hell of a guy for sure.
And yeah of course you must have some flaws but that’s okay. I’m terrible at Guitar Hero too. Ok that’s a lie to make you feel better, I rock balls at that game and I don’t get that you don’t. Man. It’s only 5 buttons. Have you seen your pedalboard ?! Maybe try playing with your feet or something.
But other than that.. Oh well. There’s maybe that tiny thing.
You still haven’t texted me. I’m starting to be sad about it…
Alright, fine I haven’t texted you either but heh, seriously, how can I keep buying U2 shirts i’ll never wear and pay for an international cell plan ? I don’t have that kind of money. Plus, there are so many more ways to communicate these days apart from texting. I mean, Whatsapp, Skype, Zoom, pints at the pub… plenty of ways ! I’m not losing hope though. I’ll be waiting. (…at the pub – wearing a mask and respecting social distances.)
Flaws are often just qualities in disguise after all. Wrong audience and all. But eh. At least you’re still down to earth enough to carry stuff. Not like someone else we know. Ahem.
Alright, even though you’re probably the keeper of passwords, I should probably shut up before getting my arse blocked on every social media.
Before I go, I just wanted to leave a little side note for your future self – whenever you’ll need this.
“It’s ready, Edge. Let it go now. IT’S FREAKING READY – No more EQ needed! – and we need it because we’ve missed you oh-so-much. “
So dear Edge, I know I say a lot of stupid things but I can assure you that under that whole pile of silly, there is a ton of love and appreciation for everything that you do – and less obviously today, for those three other men too. Thanks for rocking our world so much and for being, well, you. You’re very brilliant at it.
A very happy birthday to you good sir. You clearly don’t age or maybe that’s just one of your phasing illusion. Have a good one surrounded by your loved ones – and loads of cake and Ouzo. We’ll be toasting virtually with very real drinks to many more years to come in your good company. Take care, stay safe – and keep the other ones safe too please. You’re the only one I can trust – much love x
Ps : Bono, Adam and Larry. I love you all too. But it’s his day. Let him shine. And you already had your ego boosting posts so I’m sorry. So sorry. (Not sorry – kinda). Don’t hate me. Please ?