Have you ever felt super excited about something and yet feel utter despair about it?

That is one weird feeling I’m telling you.

Bear with me, promise, I’m not just a grumpy bitch today.

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I usually love tour rumors season.

Uncertainty is always at his highest but damn it really is one guiding light. People perk up from their long inter-tour slumber and the virtual playground that is the internet gets a little more crowded all of a sudden. And let’s be honest, it also gets a lot more fun than the dozen fuckers we usually are running around in circles trying to keep ourselves entertained.

Endless conversations, actual good debates, bets are open and shit and giggles flourish. All it takes is one rumor, and the community is kicked back to life like loose electricity – with plugged fingers in the U2 socket.

It’s sudden. Comes out of nowhere. And gosh it is fun. So much fun.

Well. That’s how it usually goes.

But after the week we just had as live music fans – The Big Working Class Hero ticket debacle – and the news we got yesterday, I had that nasty feeling that I had my fingers stuck in that damn plug and no-one was willing to kill the lights just yet. I could see the fun. I could feel the fun, and yet somehow it felt wrong. Like being invited to a party and having to stand in a corner stuck in your own head while everyone else is having a blast – the ultimate introvert party for those who can relate.

So what happened you’ll ask me? I’m the excited puppy of the U2 fam. I get excited about the tiniest things so why the hell did I have to just close my phone and walk away for the day?

Well first of all, I was late to the party, and lordy I hate being late to the party. You show up and everyone’s looking at you like you’re the fuckin bringer of doom – not really but again, introverts unite – and second, I hadn’t had coffee yet. I can’t human before coffee and I can’t read articles in a foreign language and make sense of it without coffee. But it’s U2, and everyone is talking about it so caffeine had to wait – big mistake – and that’s when those 2 words hit me, Las Vegas and Residency.

You know when your brain just spaces out for a few? Just that big blank and it feels like time stops? Yeah. That’s when that dumb bitch The Ramones sang about likes to make her big entrance : Anxiety (Cross my heart and hope to die) (ugh) (sigh) (fuckin hell)

Residency is a scary word, and it immediately spurs thoughts that will flood your poor numb brain with the worst case scenarios according to your upbringing. Most of you went straight to Elvis and hell that ain’t half bad really. My very French brain had only one way to drift to and that was Celine Dion. You don’t want to have Celine Dion thoughts before coffee I can assure you. One way or another, not very punk rock is it? What the fuck is happening to those dudes? What the fuck is happening to my band? What. The. Fuck. *WHAT THE FUCK.*

See? Lack of caffeine and words – there’s a reason I never write before coffee. It’s the perfect recipe for disaster. And for your brain to be a complete eejit and bring you down over nothing.

Bear with me now because I actually had a cup of jo(e) at some point and it changed everything.

A residency. In freaking far away Las Vegas. You wanna know what was the real big thing that hit me like a bus when I read that? It wasn’t Celine, it wasn’t the town, it wasn’t even the fact that they managed to convince Larry to get stuck into yet another round object. It was the disappointment. The disappointment of having waited for so long for some kind of spark of a tour, to have hold onto that thought through a whole stupid pandemic, to have built hopes and dreams and built castles in the air for the last 4 years just to see it finally happen, and not being able to be a part of it. Not being able to keep dreaming, make shit plans nor sing along to the raging party going on because somehow you lost your voice because of two stupid words.

Would I have liked to join the fun and capslock my way through the day with ‘LET’S GO TO VEGAS BABY’?

Would I love to see U2 perform in the most surreal high-tech venue ever built?

In the most surreal city I’ve ever only seen on the big silver screen?

In what could turn into the biggest music related trip of my entire freaking life?

Yes.
Oh fuck yes.

But you can dream, and dream out loud, but sometimes you just know you can’t dream THAT loud – or you end up in the nuthouse – and reality catches up in a millisecond and you just know it can’t happen.

‘Save up then Jo’, well. We can’t all save up that amount of money in such a short time – yes a year is a short time. There’s a reason why I start putting money aside for my U2 fund when the last chord rings at the end of the last show of the previous tour. It takes that long for some of us to be able to afford the next one, just a few shows here and there, and I’m definitely not the exception on this, whether you like talking about it or not. We’re one but not the same, nor are our wallets. It is what it is, and I’m certainly not complaining about that and feel lucky I can sort it out most of the time. It’s just a fact.

But it’s also a fact that is going to become more and more true for a lot of people sadly. The events of last week only confirm that tendency that we’ve been seeing post pandemic for many artists opening the ticket sales for their next tour. It’s no longer the big FOAD Larry used to love, it’s cave in or die. Bleed yourself dry now. Kinda. Cave in or give up on the dreams of seeing your favs live ever again. I’ve already given up on a few of them and I pray to all the rock n roll gods that I won’t have to do that with those lads. With or without you, I can’t live… Jeez, that’s the whole mood really.

Pretty depressing isn’t it? To think that after so many sacrifices, we’re not allowed to have that hit of joy we’re all desperate about because of that-company-we-cant-say-the-name-or-you-get-blocked-every-fucking-where and their elitist money machine. It fucks us up. It fucks the artists rep up. It fucks everything up. Well, we had enough of that thank you very much. Ha. Let’s not go there again, I’m down one dark rabbit hole as it is.

That’s a lot to take in before coffee.
That’s a lot to take in after covid.

Big sigh. Big sad. Big fuck everything and everyone and let me play The Ramones on loop now.

But.
But it’s them.
And that makes all the difference.

Brain. Cooperate.
It’s them.
It’s U2.
It’s the lads.

Residency? Well. Yeah. But they also called their 8 shows in NY a residency so the fuck do we know – apart from everything is most probably wrong really.

Las Vegas? Seems like a fair stop on the road – but rumor is that Guinness tastes like shit there (obviously, IT DOESN’T TRAVEL) so they’re not gonna get buried in that city till the end of days.

Ultimate High Tech Sphere venue? Now, being who they are, I’d be surprised they wouldn’t make the most of it and even more. Have you seen what the hell they achieved last time they got a freaking spaceship-ish? That new thing looks like a freaking PLANET. Oh Boy. Edge, I beg ya, take us out of here and back to your home planet.

Did you take a look at that thing? Like, SERIOUSLY?

My inner geek has been having wet dreams all night about it. 

And more importantly. It was just a post in the dead of the night. No official comments. No official announcement. No official hint about it. The source is hella solid so I don’t doubt it much but the real question is was it supposed to happen like that? Was it just a leak? Or maybe it wasn’t, maybe it was a good way to kick the U2 fans anthill and send us all panicking in every direction, waking up every stray U2 fan in the process.

Anxiety, anxiety keeps me happy.

And alert. The later part of 2023 is a long time away but there sure are stuff happening in the meantime – like someone’s memoir for example. You got us lads. We’re paying attention, and checking those bank balances. We’re ready for what’s next – most of us always are though.

Thankfully, this morning I had a few cups of coffee – and a good night’s sleep – and everything appears to be a lot clearer. Clear enough to get excited about it all.

First of all, Anxiety is a great song but it’s much better on your speakers than spinning in your head. So lower the volume for now because there are no real reasons to be worried about all this for now – including dynamic pricing – or you might just end up not even going due to severe depression by the time it actually happens.

Secondly, U2 have proved more than once that they’re the very best at making the stuff of dreams a reality. And now you can top all that with the most amazing looking venue we’ve ever had and a fandom damn eager to make it even better. Whether you can be in that Disco ball or not doesn’t even matter really. You know it’s gonna be amazing. It’s them. And it’s us. I am so excited to see what’s going to happen with that. The only issue I see here is that inaugurating that place with this band will make any further shows look like a school fair but eh it’s your business plan MSG Sphere.

Thirdly, I don’t believe for a freaking second that they won’t be touring anywhere else. They’d get bored. They’re proving the point already by not even having consecutive nights there. Of course it’s gonna be part of a larger tour, come on now stop that nonsense – especially if Chris Martin is still on the road. As for those who believe they’re just too old and that sitting still in one place is probably the obvious plan for them, let me ask you if you’ve seen Bono sit still in a chair for more than 5 freaking minutes lately? Hmm? Yeah. There you go.

(Oh and about that too old bit? Kindly fuck off – All of them, probably (and me too)).

And FINALLY – Forget about the anxiety, forget about Viva Las Vegas, forget about Celine Dion (I know, I’ve fucked your day with this sorry), and be in the moment. Let your brain space out for a second and listen to that one and only thought that actually matters right now:

– THEY ARE FUCKING COMING BACK –

And one way or another, it’s gonna be freaking amaze-ball.

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PS : If you don’t turn that sphere into a freaking Lemon at some point lads, you’re clearly missing out.

 

• Rumors
• Sphere
• U2